NEWS UPDATE: Bathroom breaks careers

Normally, you would find a movie review here. But something extraordinary happened today.

One of my roommates piped up to defend Idaho Republican Sen. Larry Craig, who pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct after he was arrested in June for using foot and hand signals in an airport toilet stall to solicit sex from an undercover cop. (Read the official police report here at The Smoking Gun.)

Maybe the guy really does crap with a "wide stance," my friend argued - a defense attorney at heart. And maybe he really did just drop something, and was trying to pick it up. Maybe the whole thing was a terrible and embarrassing misunderstanding.

Even if this were the case, justice still has been served.

Craig is only the victim of the hostile, anti-gay culture he has done his best to foster. And if he is, in fact, the hapless victim of homophobia run amok, who is to blame?

People like Craig.

Either way you look at it, Craig is paying for his crime.

What a deal

Craig's fellow Republican Florida state Rep. Bob Allen was arrested about a month later. He was considerably more blunt.

As the Orlando Sentinel reports, an undercover cop was hanging out near a park public bathroom. The officer was staking out a nearby condo, watching for a burglar. The cop went into the bathroom to wash his hands. No paper towels.

So, our officer walked into the extra-big stall (you know, the one for the handicapped). He must have done this extra sexily, because Rep. Allen couldn't resist.

"Allen first peeked over the door and then stepped inside, he said.

Allen proposed the two go across a nearby bridge because 'it's quiet over there' and he would perform a sex act on the officer for $20, the affidavit said. They walked to Allen's car, where the officer identified himself and arrested Allen."

This sex act, in case you were wondering, was a "blow job," according to the police report. That's right. Allen wanted to pay the cop and give him a blow job.

Well, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I'm going to need to have my rent money ready in a couple of days and, uh -- well, ladies, I'm willing to negotiate.

NEWS UPDATE: Stupid is not cute

"I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education such as South Africa and the Iraq, everywhere, like, such as. And I believe they should, our education, over here in the U.S., should help the U.S., or help South Africa, or help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future."

- Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton

I couldn't have said that better myself.

I don't think that clip needs any analysis. It's just a little frightening - she's obviously not alone; this bizarre response was an answer to the question, "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?"

That means more than 60.4 million people living in this country don't know where it is. Something tells me that this 20 percent and those who make up the bulk of President Bush's approval have a lot in common. Even more depressing, by some polls, more than half of all Americans believe that the world is less than 10,000 years old and that humans were hand-crafted by God.

So don't laugh at her. Much.

In related news, something else important happened. But it's the strangest thing; I don't recall what.

Oh, right. Alberto Gonzales stepped down. He played stupid in front of Congress.

At least Lauren Caitlin Upton learned that stupid is not cute at an early age.

Welcome

Trans Fat Tales will not make the world a better place.

All you will find here is entertainment, unsolicited complaints and outrage. In other words, grease-soaked calories and heartburn.

I'll focus mostly on movies and entertainment. But sometimes, you might find political, corporate and individual oddities on the national and local scales.

Brandon Lowrey